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Note: I abbreviate post-apocalypse and all its forms as "PA".
Using Risus, Hard
Roads, and ideas garnered from Meghann Marco's
excellent Field Guide to the Apocalypse, I ran an off-the-cuff post-apoc adventure for a couple of my pals.
Thomas played "Suki," an Ex-Stripper/Escort(2)and Reformed Serial Killer(3), now a Typical PA
Motor-Berserker(3). She drives a Toyota Supra with machine guns and kevlar vests stapled to the sides(4)
that Gets Good Gas Mileage(2).
Bob played as "Tag," a Former Vanilla Goody-Twoshoes
Go-To Guy(3) who's now a Cynical, World-Weary PA Badass(3) and an Escaped
Gladiator Slave(2). We rolled that last one on the Last @$%# Cliche table (from the Risus Companion) and were amazed at our luck. (Bartertown, anyone?) He drives an
aquamarine colored Gutless Hybrid Car(4) that he hates but can't seem to get
rid of thanks to it's Cursed Good Luck(1, Lucky Shots), and Armor Plating(1,
can make a loss a tie). I can't remember what it was armed with, because he
mostly attacked by opening the driver-side door and smashing stuff with it at
high speed, or firing his dirty-Harry style revolver through the sunroof while
steering with his feet.
Our adventurers began the game having just scavenged toilet paper from The Big
City to fill a contract with the community of WallaWalla
for ethanol and water. (Didn't you know? Everyone knows how to distill ethanol
and/or make biodeisel and modify engines to run on
it. Road Warrior had it all wrong. The real precious commodity is water.) Upon
returning to WallaWalla they found it encircled by a
band of Savage, Football Pad-Wearing, Be-mohawked Marauders(5) (Road Warrior did get that part right ;) ).
When questioned, the town's Keeper told our antiheroes that the gang was after
some widgets they found in the underground bunker beneath WallaWalla.
(GM's plan was to have the antiheroes defend the town from the gang in return
for more water... HA!) Suki asked the keeper
"What are they for? Can you even use them?" The keeper scratched his
chin and said, "Well, no... we don't know what
they're for; no one can figure them out." So Suki
says "then just give them up, stupid!"
Well, her logic was pretty solid, so the Keeper just said, "Well, yeah,
why didn't I think of that?" and that was that.
So the antiheroes rode out of town heading north, while WallaWalla
planned to give up the widgets. Well, our marauding band came back with
reinforcements, but instead of going to the town, they came after Suki and Tag! After a lengthy fracas, a badly wounded
survivor confessed that his master, Lord Invictus,
thought that the two of them had taken the widgets out of town. They decided to
pay a visit to this Lord Invictus fellow and Tag
tortured their captive for the location of his Secret Desert Fortress(4).
Upon arrival, Suki talked their way into the gated
compound by showing generous amounts of flesh. They probably would have made it
all the way to Invictus' audience chamber, were it
not for Steve, the Lord's Chief Pastry Chef(4). For
some reason, Suki's bosom had no effect on him, and
he openly challenged their presence. Well, it came down to whether or not the
crowd sided with Suki's bosom or listened to Steve.
He opened by threatening their continued supply of Delicious Creampuffs(5), and
not even Suki's charms seemed to stand up to that!
Tag even tried one (single action conflict, the creampuff won) and realized
what all the fuss was about. He brokered a deal in which they would visit Invictus under escort to parley.
Short version: Invictus made them a generous offer of
their lives and a little bit of water in return for the widgets, which they
explained would be possible for them to get. Tag threw in a striptease from Suki to sweeten the deal.
When they got back to WallaWalla, they discovered
that the Keeper had already given the widgets away! He said he couldn't tell
the difference between one roving band of psychos or
another these days.
This story is starting to stretch the limits of "kinda
long," so I'll summarize: They tracked the bandits to an abandoned nuclear
missile silo, complete with nuke! A secret death cult currently inhabits it,
and they are trying to find a way to launch the nuke into the supervolcano beneath yellowstone
national park. They believe that human survival was a mistake or punishment
from God or something and they're trying to "finish the job" of
wiping out humanity so we can all finally ascend to the glorious nether
realm... now that I write this, I realize that it's kind of like those
ridiculous Necromongers from Chronicles of Riddick...
anyway, the widgets would somehow help them accomplish this. Well, our
antiheroes pulled the standard kill-some-guards, don-their-uniforms routine and
smuggled the widgets back out. Another scuffle ensued when the cultists found
out and chased them to Invictus' stronghold. This was
the big one, folks, and all kinds of betrayal and killing ensued. Suki and Tag came out of it ok, and made their way across
the desert to the south, leaving behind a new evil
overlord at the stronghold (I think his name was "Bill").
After that, Thomas took the reins and I got to play the sample character I
whipped up, Milton Scott, for yet another adventure. I won't go into the whole
thing; suffice it to say that Thomas has a cruel sense of irony. ("Oh
yeah, that guy you used as a human shield? He's dead now... Oh you're wounded?
Yeah, he was a doctor. You can keep his stethoscope, though...")
Anyway, thanks again Hank!
Bif
aka Milton Scott
Reckless PA Badass(3)
Secret Death Cult Missionary(3)
Former Tax Attorney(2)
Puke-green '89 Volvo with machine gun (4)
Turbo Boosters (1, Lucky Shots)
Improvised Armor Plates(1, make a loss a tie)
PS: Oh poop. I just realized that Lord Invictus is
the name of one of the notable bad guy characters in WizKids'
Rocketmen game.
I think I'd heard it in passing or saw it on a website or something. On game
day, when put on the spot to come up with a suitable name for my Impromptu Evil
Local Warlord(3), "Invictus"
just popped out. Please note: It's not the same guy. My intention was not for
him to be anything like a certain Copyrighted WizKids
Evil Overlord(6).